My horror canon

Foundational texts and the scariest scene in horror history (imo)

Hello, dear friends. I write to you today from beneath a pile of blankets, sneezing every few minutes with tissue stuffed up my nose. My eyes are hot and there’s a pressure steadily building in my head. My body feels sluggish and achey, my balance a little woozy whenever I get up. I’m popping Ricola like nobody’s business. I’m doing my best to do nothing (aside from chug water) but I’m not good at doing nothing and am feeling especially resentful that this bug waited until the weekend to strike.¹ But it’s a good excuse for one of my favorite things: a horror movie marathon.

I don’t make it my whole personality but I’m a lifelong and year-round horror nerd, much to Ben’s distress. I’ve always been drawn to the macabre and the spooky, the dreadful and the dark. So now that October is well underway, I thought I’d share some spooky scary things that have left a lasting impression on me. A timeline of personal influence. My very own horror canon.

Before diving in, though, here’s a quick overview of what will and won’t do it for me in the horror department. It’s probably different from your own criteria:

Not for me: constant references to other horror,² a wink-wink tone, jump scares, excessive gore, things that are designed to be scary in a Spirit Halloween kind of way, monster reveals (usually), creepy kids (usually), tidy endings, most prequels/sequels, over reliance on CGI, James Wan’s oeuvre, things that are just scary bc they’re actually scary parts of being a person in the world (ie: home invasion, sexual violence).

Things I like: mounting dread, being deeply unsettled for a long time after reading/watching, the uncanny, the supernatural, ambiguity, arresting images, myth and lore, dream logic, ghosts, paranormal shit, a good gothic mansion, found footage (done well), folk horror, possession/religious horror, tech horror, practical effects, some good ass spooky music!

Now that’s not to say the things I adore don’t use some “not for me” elements to stellar effect (ie: The Thing and gore). So much of it comes down to atmosphere and pacing and the writers/directors taking it seriously. I will follow the most ludicrous plot or premise if the people making it believe in it and don’t hold it at arm’s length. You can’t half-ass horror, it’s DOA if you do. (This is doubly true if you’re making horror comedy.)

Ok, let’s dive in.

First, a quick plea: I didn’t think about Halloween when I deleted twitter and tiktok, and so it didn’t occur to me until just now that I’d miss out on the deluge of strangers’ costumes. I’m genuinely sad about this. So please, please, please send me photos or screenshots of costumes that make you laugh this month. I’m unmoved by sexy costumes and scary costumes, likewise most things store bought. I want to see the silly, funny, homemade stuff. I’m quite literally begging you.

My horror canon

Youth and early childhood (late 80s – late 90s)

• Being raised Catholic. Lol, but also…I’m not kidding. There’s the Old Testament, in general (I had an illustrated version growing up, riveting stuff). Demons and devils and Satan. Possession and exorcism. A general preoccupation with suffering and death. Martyrdom. The stations of the cross? Crucifixion!? Sin and eternal damnation?!?! Eating of his flesh and drinking of his blood at least once a week for 18 years??? Gruesome stuff. And this is all to say nothing of lecherous priests and zealots. Great aesthetic though.

• The opening credits of Masterpiece Theater: Mystery! on PBS, feat. Edward Gorey’s illustrations. My mom is a big cozy mystery fan in general and instilled a deep love of these stories within me. Hercule Poirot is my guy (esp played by David Suchet) and in more recent years I took a liking to Phryne Fisher.

  

• Clue and The Addams Family. I wore these VHS tapes out and could probably put on a one-woman show of each, if necessary.

  • Honorable mentions to: The Secret of Nimh, Fantasia, the scary parts of Brave Little Toaster, the steamroller scene of Who Framed Roger Rabbit, and the ferry ride scene of Willy Wonka. I was an Are You Afraid Of The Dark girl, obviously. Also Little Shop of Horrors which my dad would often quote before feeding the cat, or us.

• Mary Higgins Clark, Lois Duncan, RL Stine. I crushed the Accelerated Reader program at school thanks in large part to these authors churning out weird, creepy little tales.

  • Honorable mention to: A book called Hounds of the Morrigan that introduced me to Celtic mythology and made me realize I might be a nerd.

• Scary Stories to tell in the Dark. Like every millennial, I’m still haunted by these illustrations. But you better believe we learned to play 🎵 don’t you ever laugh as a hearse goes by… 🎵 on the piano.

  

  Honestly…what the fuck

• Stephen King, IT. I have a distinct memory of stealing my oldest brother’s copy of IT and him poking his head in my room and saying “I don’t think you should be reading that” and me yelling “I’m fine! Get out of my room!” and then 5 minutes later Georgie got his arm ripped off by a sewer clown and I was like, “I shouldn’t be reading this.”

High school (early 00s)

• The X-Files and Buffy the Vampire Slayer. If my mom introduced me to cozy mystery, my dad pushed it a little further. He watched The X-Files with us (by “us” I mean my brothers, mostly, it was deemed too scary for me, but I occasionally got to join and I caught up later) and a few years later, after my brothers had moved out, he’d watch Buffy with me. He taught me a vital lesson of being a horror fan: sometimes you have to put up with a lot of stinkers to get the good stuff.

  

• Shirley Jackson. The first story I read freshman year of high school was “The Lottery” (followed by “The Yellow Wallpaper”) and my 14-year-old brain was like, hell yeah. “The Lottery” lead me to Haunting of Hill House, which still has the best opening paragraph in horror history, for my money.³

• Stephen King, The Shining and ‘Salem’s Lot. I stole these from my oldest brothers’ room too, but he was long gone for college by that point and couldn’t stop me. I remember bawling my eyes out when Jack Torrance briefly comes back to himself at the end of The Shining (another vital horror lesson: a lot of horror is SAD) and being absolutely stunned by Jimmy’s death in ‘Salem’s Lot.

  

• Seeing The Ring in theaters. I’ll never forget the two big, burly dudes several rows ahead of us who left a few seats between them when they sat down and by the end, when Samara starts crawling outta that TV, those men were directly next to each other, heads bowed together, giggling and yelping. Delightful.

  

  • Honorable mentions: Scream; Final Destination; Urban Legend; I Know What You Did Last Summer (Lois Duncan call back); Practical Magic; The CRAFT and all the “light as a feather” sleepover antics it inspired.

• The summer I had strep, mono, and tonsillitis at the same time and literally couldn’t do anything except watch movies, which is when I saw The Exorcist for the first time. I got better like a week before school started. The worst. Watching this blitzed out of my mind on pain meds post-tonsillectomy squeezed at least 1 more year of Catholicism out of me, though.⁴

College and grad school (mid 00s – mid 10s)

• Watching MeTV as a broke college student. Hell yes, MeTV. Thank you for existing. Through you I grew to love The Twilight Zone and Night Gallery and Alfred Hitchcock Presents.

  

  I think about this guy every time I fly

• Twin Peaks and David Lynch in general. I watched Blue Velvet for a class and was like, what the fuck. Then my friends started watching Twin Peaks and I was like…again, what the fuck. I didn’t understand either the first time around (I still don’t know that I do) but I knew that I liked them and that Lynch was the one for me.

• Suspiria (1977) and Audition. My oldest brother gave me these dvds for my birthday one year and I had a truly wild movie watching weekend.

• The Blair Witch Project. I watched this on my laptop in my dorm room after years of unspeakable jealousy that 2 of my older siblings had seen it in theaters on opening weekend. I’m still jealous and I’m still scared. This is the blueprint.

  

• Taking an ambien and falling asleep on the couch only to wake up halfway through Hellraiser which my roommates had put on. Boy oh boy. Do not recommend.

• Exposure to the classics. Growing up, my siblings either weren’t interested in showing me stuff (hence why I had to steal books from my brother’s room), actively withheld things from me (bc I was “annoying” or “too young”), or were out of the house by the time I was old enough to be receptive. I always felt late to the game, but I eventually found the way. During these years I discovered things like Dracula and Frankenstein and Rebecca. I watched Alien and The Wicker Man and The Thing. Silence of the Lambs. Rosemary’s Baby. Stepford Wives (1975).

  

• My gothic literature teacher during my study abroad semester in London. Phenomenal hair, great outfits. A cool spooky lady who made me think maybe I could grow up to be a cool spooky lady. Still aspiring.

• The Magnus Institute and Black Tapes podcasts. There’s some dark magic in the early episodes of both of these shows. Unfortunately (imo), both become less an anthology of stand alone stories and build to one big story that ties everything together, which I find less satisfying, but I ate this shit up.

Abyss of adulthood (the last 10 years)

Another plea: I’m faithful to the genre, so I’ve read a lot of newer stuff but it just hasn’t been hitting. There’s something about the tone of a lot of contemporary horror that grates on me. I like things that aren’t afraid to be dense and weird and I’ve had a hard time finding that lately. Please send recs!

• Christopher Buehlman, Between Two Fires. Hands down my favorite contemporary horror read. This felt like such a breath of fresh, spooky air. Religious horror greatness.

  • Honorable mentions: Dan Simmons, The Terror (the mini series adaptation is SO good); John Langan, The Fisherman; Mark Z Danielewski, House of Leaves; Mariana Enriquez, Things We Lost in the Fire. And I finally caught up with these 2 classics this year: Bret Easton Ellis, American Psycho; William Peter Blatty, The Exorcist.

    

    how it feels to be a Fallen Catholic reading religious horror

• Visiting the silent era. A librarian friend and I almost got our act together to make our own horror podcast, but life got in the way. It wasn’t a total loss though because it got me to finally watch a lot of silent era bangers. Vampyr was my favorite of the bunch, followed closely by Häxan.

• Suspiria (2018). Putting dance horror on the map (see also: CLIMAX). This is how you do a remake — make something totally different. It’s become an annual rewatch for me. A vibe and half. A score for the ages.

  

• Continued exposure to the classics. Invasion of the Body Snatchers. American Psycho. Blade. House. The Mist (jfc). Pulse (more on this in a sec), Cure, Kurosawa in general.

• The Third Day but more importantly the live 12-hour EVENT shot in one continuous take that put my boy Jude Law t-h-r-o-u-g-h it. This aired in the early days of Covid when there was nowhere to go and nothing to do, so I ate that live event up. It felt like a very cool, very special experience. I’m surprised more people don’t talk about it.

  

  • Honorable mentions: Mike Flanagan’s whole deal. I’m into it in general but wish he didn’t share Stephen King’s weakness for schmaltz.

• A slew of honorable mentions: Only Lovers Left Behind (again, soundtrack); Mandy; Under the Skin; Both CREEPs; The Invitation; The Wailing; His House; Unfriended and HOST; Green Room; Cam; Train to Busan; Autopsy of Jane Doe; A Field in England; The Guest (again, soundtrack);

• Having the good fortune to be alive while Robert Eggers and Jordan Peele are putting out work. This footnote does not apply to them. They’re exceptions to the rule. They belong in the pantheon of greats and they know it and thank GOD for that.

• Spooked podcast. I’ve listened to a million (purportedly) true story horror and paranormal pods. Spooked is the only one that hasn’t devolved into “men behaving threateningly toward women” stories. We love it.

• Evolution of Horror and Random Number Generator Horror Podcast No 9 podcasts. The cream crop when it comes to horror movie discussion pods.

  • Honorable mentions: This is Horror (interviews); Faculty of Horror (criticism)

  • A final plea: Do you have a favorite horror book podcast? Like talking about horror novels? Please send.

And now…the scariest scene in horror history

Pulse (2001), dir. Kurosawa.

I’ve given it a lot of thought and out of everything I’ve read or seen, watching this scene is the most scared a work of art has ever made me. Even out of context I find it absolutely terrifying.

Thanks for joining me on this journey. Now I’d love to hear from you! What’s in your horror canon? What’s the most frightened a work of art has made you? What wasn’t on my list that you think I need to know about?

1. 2 pros: it’s not Covid and at least it’s not next weekend when we’re traveling for a wedding.

2. It’s almost always an immediate turn off when a writer or director tries to signal to the audience that they’re a big horror fan. Stop making me think about other (better) things! I don’t care how ~in the know~ you are! Nine times out of ten, I resent the fan service. It makes me lose confidence, makes me less willing to follow them. It makes me question whether or not they believe their thing can stand on its own; it makes me think they need to draw on the legacy of other (better) work to strengthen their own. Very rarely is it imbued with enough confidence and skill that it makes me think, oh they’re evoking XYZ because horror is in their blood and they believe in their work and think they’re in the pantheon of greats…and they might be right.

3. Years later, a cute boy I loved but treated badly would tell me that Shirley Jackson always reminded him of me, which I still to this day don’t know how to interpret.

4. The other pivotal movie experience I had that summer was Chinatown. I’d avoided it almost all summer because I thought it’d be boring and pulled the VHS off the shelf as a last resort. I could literally feel my horizons expanding, but that’s for another day.