Goodbye 2024

End of year reflections and looking ahead

After a few years of what felt like fruitless wheel spinning, 2024 brought big change. It was a year of cashing in on some of the hard work and leaps of faith of years past. The biggest, scariest, and most exciting thing being that we bought a house and now live somewhere that’s not unlike a fairy tale. As I write this, there’s a small family of deer grazing out back under the shade of massive evergreens with a thick fog rolling in. I dreamed of a life like this and it still doesn’t feel real. I can’t believe how lucky we are.

from the last round of 100 days of drawing

I’ve been doing a lot of organizing this week, some literal and figurative housekeeping. A lot of reflecting and preparing for what’s next; decluttering; going through my notes app and Google drive and pile of notebooks and papers; closing out tabs. Doing a post-holiday financial reckoning (gulp). Basically just getting around to a bunch of stuff I’d put off and said “I’ll do that when I’m on break in December.”

Like last year, I thought I’d share a few year-end reflections:

It’s time to grow up

There’s something to be said for holding on to a sense of childlike curiosity or wonder or creativity, but there’s also something to be said for realizing that you’re the adult in the room and acting like it. This meant heaving off the weight of imposter syndrome and showing up more confident in my intelligence and ability to represent myself. It also meant reining in some spending bc we have a mortgage now (!!!) and that’s a scary adult responsibility.

Passing the mantle of youth and youth culture is a blessing, tbh. Being young is exhausting and clinging to youth is a bad look. This was a big year of saying “you know, that’s just not for me” and letting the kids enjoy their slice of the culture.

It feels good to use your brain

I mean, duh, but also…I needed the reminder. Binging: out. Scrolling: out. Social media: halfway out (I’m working on it). Junk food media: out (for me, you do you).

Community is out there

And you gotta put yourself out there to find it. After we moved to Bellingham I started teaching yoga again and have made a few friends through the studio. I signed up for tennis lessons and art lessons. We’ve had a few get togethers with the neighbors. We’re learning the city and how we might grow our roots here. I was very lonely in Salt Lake City so this development is VERY welcome.

I also feel like I’ve found a community of readers and writers and movie lovers who get as deeply excited about the same things as I do through substack. I was hungry for this and am looking forward to leaning into it even more next year.

Maybe it’s a spiral, not a circle

I often feel like I’m running in circles, like I’m wasting my time and focused on the wrong things. And maybe I am. But I was listening to an episode of Weird Studies (a podcast I found through

Cameron Steele

’s recommendation, unfortunately I can’t remember the specific episode) and they were talking about the difference between circles and spirals and how progress may be a matter of perspective. It’s just hard to notice the slight change in scenery when we’re so close to it.

Support the work that means something to you

This is a repeat from last year but it’s a good one. Say thank you, show support, spend some money when you can. Give your time and attention and oxygen to the things that make you feel something. Here are a handful of the many newsletters on this platform that I’ve loved spending time with this year, the ones I never skip:

• From the Desk of Alicia Kennedy

• interruptions

• LOOSEY

• Read Max

• radical love letters

• Tracks on Tracks

• Beurrage

• Color Stories

• Entertainment, Weakly

• My Writing

• New Bands for Old Heads

• personal canon

• Three Chairs

• The Convivial Society

I’ve also learned that this includes supporting my own work — giving myself time and space to think; not being precious about sharing it; sticking with it. With that, here are my favorite posts from this year:

• No older than we ever were

• God I miss smoking

• Just before the sun comes up

• Don’t it make you feel alive (my first ever guest post!)

• Perfect Days

• I got a haircut

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Looking to 2025, my year of devotion.

I like to set a word or guiding principle for the year. 2024 was creative cultivation. This year is devotion.

For most of December, I thought the new year would be one of rigor, but earlier this week I realized that wasn’t quite right. I wanted something less rigid, something more infused with love. And so: devotion.

I’m a fan of new year’s resolutions and I have a long list of things that I hope to achieve this year. My love for lists and goal setting is one of the ways my Capricorn tendencies really shine through. I want more for and from myself, always. I don’t think that’s a bad thing. But I’m often overwhelmed by my wants, to the point of immobilization. And I get pacified by distractions like anyone else. Breaking things down into lists and goals helps me find momentum again. It helps me figure out how to start or how to get back on track when I wander away.

Here are a few of these overarching projects for the new year:

Read fewer books

I know this sounds crazy, but what I actually mean is read better, more challenging books and to read more attentively which will take me longer, thus: fewer books. For a long time after grad school I felt like I had to play catchup with a lot of zeitgeist and genre reads, and so I took a really scattershot approach. I was also burned out on critical reading and had to find the joy in it again, that took a long time. I covered a lot of ground, but I did it in such an unsystematic way that it all feels very nebulous. Same goes for movies.

Plus I had a very frustrating reading year. I feel like every other book I picked up was a dud. So I’m stepping back from the hype and the buzz. I’m turning my attention to the tried and true. I have a working list of authors and topics I’m hoping to dive deep on, but that’s for another post.

Weekly deep listening

At least once a week, I’d like to put on an album, lay down on the ground, and do nothing but listen to it. Maybe a couple times through. If we have it on vinyl and it came with a lyrics sheet, all the better, but otherwise no phone, no distraction. Just listening. (Maybe note taking.)

Really make this place home

Keep putting myself into new situations and experiences that will help us build our community. Build a network across the spectrum from passing acquaintance to close friends. Put down deep roots and don’t get complacent, don’t get discouraged. Find more art — from friends and local artists — for our home.

Don’t neglect my relationships back home either. Call often. Visit when we can.

Try some new creative experiences

I have all sorts of ideas for this. Acting class? Dance class? Painting? I know beyond the shadow of a doubt I’ll be terrible at all of these things and would be so embarrassed to do any of it in front of people I know, but it’ll be fun! And I don’t know enough people here yet to be embarrassed.

Pay off my student loans???

This is crazy and probably unrealistic, but I’m really tired of these fuckers hanging over my head. So maybe…we’ll call it a stretch goal.

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Before I sign off, I want thank everyone who’s read, liked, shared, and/or commented on one my posts this year. Your support means more than you know.

I’ll see you in 2025.

may the rest of your December be this relaxing